Unmasking ADHD in women: On Shrinking Ourselves and Reclaiming Space

Unmasking ADHD: On Shrinking Ourselves and Reclaiming Space
Reflections by Dr Georgia Pavlopoulou 

Working on a paper led by the phenomenal Dr Ana-Maria Butura, who recently completed her PhD, has been deeply personal. As we explored the experiences of women with ADHD, I felt seen, these stories echoed in my own life.

As ADHD women, many of us learn early on to shrink ourselves; to be quieter, calmer, more agreeable. We begin suppressing the parts of us that others find “too much”: our big feelings, our restless energy, our flood of ideas. We mask our differences not just to fit in, but to avoid judgment, rejection, even punishment.

We learn to battle boredom and stimulation in silence. To brace ourselves against the fear of being “annoying,” “difficult,” or “no good.” And we do all of this while fighting a constant internal storm.

This kind of self-oppression doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s shaped by years of gendered expectations, ableism, and internalised fear. We’re told—directly or indirectly- that our ADHD traits aren’t just inconvenient, they’re unfeminine.

But here’s the hard truth: we can’t keep the mask on forever. Eventually, it cracks. We burn out. And when that happens, we’re often hardest on ourselves. We blame ourselves for not keeping it together. We collapse under the weight of our own shame.

We don’t just burn out; we disappear from ourselves. Some of us even come to hate the very parts of us we’ve been told to hide.

And so, reclaiming that space-being loud, emotional, energetic, unapologetic-isn’t just healing. It’s a radical act of self-acceptance.

This conversation is more than personal-it’s critical. Josh Stott’s research shows that people with ADHD are at risk of dying significantly earlier than the general population: between 4.5 and 9 years earlier for men, and between 6.5 and 11 years earlier for women.

Lack of belonging, chronic stress, and social pressure to conform are linked to poor mental health outcomes and increased suicide risk.

It is urgent that we bring more attention to ADHD in women-not only so they can receive timely diagnosis and support, but so they can stay alive.

ADHD women are not “too much.” We are not broken. But we are often unheard. And that needs to change.

P.S Researchers should always be mindful of just who is included in their research, and who is left behind.  THOSE ASSIGNED FEMALE AT BIRTH/ GENDER DIVERSE/ TRANSGENDER FOLKS NEED TO BE HEARD/INVOLVED!